DEMONS CTAY VALENTANGS DAY SPECIAL!!

so as we all knode, mikes dad has so much dirty filty rich that he purchaced his own day of the year and named it after his own name and his blootline name. And that is VALENTINES DAY. a day when all the lovers from here to ten bucks two exchinge little cards and candys with varioos words written on them, words such like "hey baby" and "ohh your so sexy" and other such trifling nonsents. it cost mikes dad 666 trillion dollars to establich this day for himself. and for the lovers. there was a band called lover boys... they made a song called "everybody working til im weakened" but anyways we celebated because legally we have to because otherwaze the chocolate companeys send scary armed guys around town to set things on fire so yea mikes dad cretated a monster so yea.

so we all partaked in the " the valentanes day hopping mad mad about you 3 legged burlape sack race to give all the girls chocolates race sponsord by albert chocolate's chocolates and confectiones "where every chocolates is family" chocolates race. " where the goal is to take one box of chocolates from one side of belmont to the other but theres a chach. you have to tie your leg to your friends leg and put all of your legs into a burlap brown type bag and you have to kuwordinate walking or jumping all the way from one side end of belmont to the other side of belmont all the waym. and then you give the chocolates to a girl and then you GO ALL THE WAY BACK. FOR A NOTHER BOX OF CHOCOLATES. and you do this over and over until they pick a winner or until somebody dies but that only hapened once in the 90s and his name was Hubert Fouler so now they give away the Hubert Fouler prize of safety for the safest player every year which is dumb cuz Hubert was not safe and thats why he slipped on that bandana peal and sliped into traffick and got run over 12 times back and forth by one car so just a dumb and bollox name.

So you may thinj that i teamed up with Mike and tied our legs together (NOT A YOU FAMISM) but NO. CUZ MIKE TIED HIS LEG TO SOMEBOSY ELSE. A girl with red or green hair (I DIDNT NOTISE) whos name is Sydney Neenjah-Jajamarucounne and i was leaft to tie my leg to. you will never beliece this. David Chiulace. I never heard of him before but now is a better as good a time as many and we tied our legs together because they told us to. DENIED! but heres where the going gets good. Turns out David is like the fastiest guy in the state. He can do 90 miles for hour in 2 seconds for hour. And as forme... I came perpared. Cuz i was wearing WEELYZ. the shoes with a weal in the heal. oh yes. a weal in the heal. Thank you to Mike for giving me his Weelyz cuz he has an actual jet pak so he does not need no damb dirty weelyz that only go acrouss the grount.

So the refferree fellow, a fat-type kind of fellow, his name is. Well. It was Heedmund Flaps you know that guy from my birthing party where we immolated that supid PHIL BUKAL. anywaze. Heedmund he's holding a gun and he says THREE. TWO. GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He missed. the damn. ONE!!!!!!!! so everyone just stands still and does not even move. And he says sorry to all you guys. THREE. TOW. ONE AND GO!!!!!!!!!!! and he shootes his damn shotgunt at a concrated wall and it. SHUNTERS. INTO. BITS. OR. PEACES. and one of the little bits of sharpnel goes and rick of shays into his leg. HE WILL NOT BE EARNING THE HOBERT FOULEY AWARD. GO!!!!! So i immolietaly start wheeling on my whalies. But Poor little David. HE DID NOT GET THE MAMO. BECUZ INSTED OF GRABBLING ONTO MY BACK LIKE A BACKPANK. HE STARTED ROUNING. AND NON-COORDINATION IS THE BLIGHT OF THE SOLES. So we slipped on our foots and everyone else (INCLUDING MIKE & SYDNY) went really fastly aheed of us. DAMN YOU HEEDMUND I CURSE YOU TO DEVELOPE VARACOSE VAINS IN YOUR THIRTY'S. Anywaze.

So we try to get up. But i keep slippsing on my weelers. And thats when I realice. I cant roll cuz my feet and my weyleys are not touching the gournd. They are touching BROWN POTATO SACK BUTLAP SACK. so I CANT' ROLL. much like the poor triangel I cant roll. On the ground. Davis says "dude" and i say "what" and he says "we're gonna loose" and I said "yeah and monkeys might fly out of my. well. you know." and he said "no i dont know" and i said "whaynes world" and he said "ok" and i said "you watched waynes world?" and he said "i dont know that that is man" and i say "ok" and immeliately stant up and start pouling on his legges so we can go forwerd because clearly im the one pouting in all the work in this power couple. anywaze. i cant even see the otherz at this pount so i dont even know if mike is super winning or. like. SUPER WINNINGE. but. horses for corses i supposed... ****SIGH*****

hey is for horses anywaze. par for the corse. anywaze. Headmund is stanying there and says " do you two need healp" and davis says "yes" but at the same time i say "NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! LALALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU!!!" and Heedmount is still holding a shootgun and you can tell he wants to shoot us both into blooty glumps&smiltereens because we are loosing the rase. i can tell mecause he is holting the shootgun pointed at us and he did the pump action maneuver wheare a pullet gets loaded in the shouting chamber for killing someone. anywaze. reminded me of uncle teep teep ninny gugg beej skunk anywaze. he did that to me twice last year in the same day anywaze. i miss ping ping anywaze. god rest her soil anywaze shes not dead (BUT MIGHT BE SOON MABUE) but anywaze. ok as i was sailing. (UNCLE TEEP TEEP TOLD ME I HAVE TO BE 100% SURE TO SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT AFTER HE READ MY LAST EDOTIRIAL ABOUT HIM. HE SAID THIS WITH RED EYES. ANYAZE)

MIKE WON THE DACE!!!!!!!!! HE CHOSSED THE FINISH LIKE WHILE HOLTING SYNDY AND I. CANNOT. BELEVE. THAT. HE. WON. WHILE. HOLDING. A. GIRL. AND. USING HIS DAMM CUSTOM FEETED SCOOTING SHOES WITH LITLE SPIDER LEGS ON THE BOTTOM OF THE SHOE. THAT RUN AT 1000000000 MILES PER FOOT. ITS A HOPPING BURLAP SACK TYPE RACE MIKE. YOU CANNOT CHEET WITH SPECIALTY-TYPE SHOES. AND YOU CANNOT CHEET WHILE HOLDING A GIRL. I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL KILL YOU. So since me and davig only moved 1 and a half and quartar inch we won. you guest it. THE HOMER FOLER PRIZE. And I say lying on the groung can I put it on my website. and Heedmund says what while poitnign the shootgun at me. And I say nevermind ill email the chocolate guy. and Heedmund says what while tapping my forhead with the shoitgun. Alas. Thats the way i crumble my cooky. so now the award is on the ABOUNT page with the rest. i asked Herdmund where he got his shorgun and he pointud it at David and he straight up pizzed in he's pants. Sorry let me clartify. Heedmund straight up pizzed in his pants. Yup. Puzzed his own damn pants. Yes sir. His own blie jeans. His pants.

BEE TEE DUBLES-UEH. (MEANS BTU = BY THE WAZE) Use these valingtines cards for the next valingtines day. Send em to a hot mamasita and youll be drowning in... you know... brassieres.