Home Alone Flim Review

merry chrismtas ya filthy animals. jimmy and mike here. it is christmas in december wich as you all know is time for hte #1 american tradition that sweeps the U.S. and A every single year since 1990. Yup. o course. im talking about everyone going home with their family's and watching home alone. yup. not alone. with family's. yup.

A little history listen to get you up to speed. in 19990 a little kown movie came out in theatres and VHS tapes called home alone. it was a super duper smash super hit. oh yes. it was a super duper smash hit. and it caused me to hit mike with a paint can every years. and it caused me to want to buy a big fat azz pet spidure but my mom said no i will buy you a turtle but no. we all know how that ended up. that's right. i got one for free on my own. yup. i stole it from natur. From the National Part.

Anywaze home alone rapadly became the #1 top seleling movie of all time by an insain lamslide. sciontists believe that no movie will ever be able to cutch up to it because it has made more money than is left on earth right now. so it's just not possible to beat no more. so that's that. And it launched Macakey Cullem to super g@d D@amn ultra mega startdom. Now he lives in a mansion built on a metal tower erected (haha) over a pool of fresh thermle water poured in a giant hallowed out emerald geode. thats right. he can wake up and jump a diving bored off his bed and into an emerald. and the water is delicious. as. f@##ck. because he also adds green kooly powder to it. gahdamn. emerald like lagossy fool. he breefly wanted to run for presidents too but you just cant beat ol president cornelious. he came close though. rreeeaaaaaaal close. my dog even vorted for him. but I dont have a dog. Anywaze.

So i watched this most famots of movies (hom ealone) (which the title on the movie is "HOME ALONe" make it make senze you fat f###@@@cking piece of poo-and-crap-sicles! P-EWWW) With MikeS Family and my mom and uncle (J not TT) and mike and I had my panet canz ready to fly (at mike) but the poblem was. Well. Mikes dad pomised me cookeys if I didnt give mike a magor head trama ingury today. So i told him i wouldent if me and mike cloud just watch the movie our own way. and he said ok. so we skibbed all the boring crap hour crap first hour of the crap movie so we can just se the TRAPS. Oh yes. The tarps. but dad-mike said ok one condition. we skip at few second intervals so we at least get the jisty of it. and i said ok. so thats how we watched it.

STORY

so the start makes no sense because the family disappears because mcaly calkin wishes for it. then a big azz fat f##@cking guy in a yellow jacket plaze some tunes on his tuba and claronet and that makes the mom appear in his car. and theres a old ass man with the eyes of uncle teep teep who kills filthy animals with his shovel. and theres a statue that they knock over with their shovels. and the fat guy playes the tuba some more. WHO CARES!!!!!!!!!!!! you know we only care about the traps right??? noboy watches HOME ALONe for anthything other than those sweet sweet trabs that would make mr. JIGSAW the trapster make a tear in his eyes.

Story score: 0/10. +1 point for the funny yellow fat guy who was in a movie called SPACE DIPSHITZ (John Cindy) and also +10 poinds for the blonde franch airpork lady who is HOT AS F!@#$!@#$!!!!!! HUBA HUBA!! give jimmy a call on that airpork phone why donta!!!! HUBA HUBA!!!!

THE TRAPS

First thints first. The Macro MAchines.
The two dirty fat burgals (STALIO and OLIO?) meet face to face with their makerz by sliping toe to toe with those nasty little Marco Machines. And before you ask... Yes. There is a SNES game of them.

PAIN RATING: 3/10. I prepered this trap in mike's houze using dad-mike's model cars of chevolets and other such things and thansibelle stepped on them and they just broke. no boom no snap no hurrah no hurt no pain see ya later. BORING!!!!!!!

THE HIDING
Macakey Casum hides as a sheppord in the manager to hide from the Sopping Wett Bruthas. He has a staff and a robe he stole from Froddo and he is like the sheppord who bringed the baby jesues gold frankensteins and murry.

PAIN RATING: 10/10. They never seen it cuming. Talk about a damadge to the pride of a good pair of bonty hunters like those boys! THATS GONNA HURT!

THE RED HOT FLAMING HANDLE BAR OF FIRE
Now thats gotta hurt. almost-prezident macualay connects a car battery to the font foor of this house and sends electric jolks of electircity through it. this cauzes a connection of a electical circuit or something. and actovates a machanism where the flamethrower torches the head of the small sopping wet brother which i dont remember his name. but his face. is. PRIZELESS!!

PAIN RATING: 8/10. wouldve hurt more if insted of fire it shoot out neadles and acid and bombs and missles and a chainsaws that cut off the head of the small wet brother and cut off his legs and grinded them into paste and churked his whole body into a juice and made the tall wet brother drink it all like a mickshake. get the net.

THE GUN
Marcalt Cluckin shoots both guys with a gun. and one of them he shoots ditectly in. You know. His Chicken. you know. the chicken that he pizzes from and that he. you know. chocks. when he feels randy at nite baby. you know what i mean baby. He shotes the other guy in the head. but not the head of his chicken. but this is whate i started realozing the movie is a bit unrealtistic. cuz if you shoot somone they are suppoused to explode blood and goots everywhete and then they DIE ON THE SPOPT. but they just shugged it off and keept atttacking Macacaly Cluculn. Whatevem.

PAIN RATING:0/0. I use the gun on Thanzibelle once and I wasent alloud back at mikes house for 2 hole mimutes. you filthy f@#$%@#$@ god da!@#$@#m n rotten dirty amimal.

THE POPCORN
Malala Clu-clu jumbs on his bed and throze popcorn into his mothe-hole. And then he make izecream and cooky's. and then he puts the explosive firecackers in a pot and a nail on the stares. so the wet guy puts his horrible. azz. foot. on the nale. and it perces all the way through the mussle and breaks his bone and blood praze everywhere and macala clu throws salt on the open wound and pores aftershavings into it and the wet guy is screaming and screaming and the spider comes and puts his legs under Wet's toneails and lifts them up and flicks them off and thenbites the sensotive pink skin under the tonails and Wet screems and screems. this scene was all filmed for real no special effects.

PAIN RATING: 7/10

THE TV
This is the tap to end all raps. The TV where he watches a mofie called "ANGLES WITH DIRTY F@#$ MOUTHS" and he used it to trick like 438 differnet peopel in the movie inculding the pizza guy the soppy wept boyz the policemanz the doctor the scary neibor the soda pop vendeng machine man the horse and Mackaley Culcone himself. The movie "ANGELS DIRTY GUYS" is the orichin of the very famots phrase that has WEPT THE NATION and I have written on several Tea Shirts and on my wall on a posters. "KEEP THE CHINGE. YOU FILTHY DIRSTY STUPID ROTTON MEZZED UP SICK-IN-YOU-HEAD MONTSER PEACE-OF-LITTEL BOY POO POO DOGGIEZ ANIMAL. AND F@#$@# YOU!!!!! MARRY CHRISTAS!!!! F!@#$!@#$!@" so yeah pain rating gonna be a 10 our of 10 on that one because you know. cuz i gotta

PAIN RATING: 9/10. should of used those fighter crackers on the buglars fool. stupid azz Malacky Cullern.

THE AFTERCHAVE
When the kid (Marcus Carcus) goze to the batroom he puts on aftershades. Little dose he now he replased it with burningy hot face mlelting accid that melds your skin until you only have red bloudy flesh and your white scremaming skeledone skull underneats. Thats right. Mackevin Culkister dies of having his faze melded off. And the brulgerlars brake in and steal everythinge. And cut off his little foot and take it home to mommie as a sue vanear. Poor kid. Poor f@#$ kid. The big wet guys one this round. But just wait until HOME ALONe 2: THE RETURN OF THE KID FROM HOME ALONg 1. AND KEEP THE CHANGe YA FILTHY ANIMAL. AND DONT FORGET THE MUSTARd. AND GET THE NEt. SMOKe BREAKe!

PAIN RATTING: 1/10 it doesent matter

THE VERD1CK (not a swear just means what we think)

this movie weeped the nation. it made us laugh at the funny parts. it made us cry at the boring parts. it made us get up and run around and throw mike pue ikes at each other during the trap parts. uncle J fell asleep during it because he doesnt like movies with failed presidents in them. MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINAL RATING 10/10 + plus bonust boints for yep. ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This reviews is in memory of DANIAL STORN, who died tragingly during the filming of the scene where the spider fling his tonails and stuff off. REST IN PIECE YA FILTHY ANIMAL!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DA MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!